Professor Black
by Annabel de Lioncourt
Summary: AU in place of book seven, my first fan fic i've posted. Sirius gets a job at hogwarts, a cetain potions master is not to happy. "You're all going to potions next? Good, make something blow up."


"Er…Professor Black?" one of the seventh years looked up. It was Fred and George's year, the boys came back as soon as they heard of the new D. A. D. A. teacher.

"Yes," he said looking up from a grade book (which he had been using to draw cartoons in- mostly of dead rats and exploding potions classrooms) the students, who had been told since they could remember of the dangerous criminal were having a hard time adjusting to said criminal's innocence and teaching position at the school.

"D-Do we have any homework?" their teacher looked at him disgusted.

"Home work? I _hate_ homework! No homework. Ever." The students all looked a little less shy and started to head towards the door, as he had ended class about ten minutes early. Sirius leaned back in his chair behind the desk listened with pleasure to their hushed words

"I think he's better than the one we had in our fourth year, the one that quit, you know, the werewolf."

"At least as good as, no, I guess better- no homework!" a thought entered his mind.

"Class, I've changed my mind, there is one assignment," he said, the class looked down a bit. "You all are going to potions class next right?" several students muttered a confused yes. "Good, make something blow-up, any points taken away, I'll give them back." The classroom of Gryffindors and Ravenclaws was roused to excitement once again as the bell rang sending them to the dungeons of the potions classroom.

Sirius laughed, grabbed a sheet of parchment and started scrawling down a letter

Moony,

I know I swore I wouldn't bug you this week but…Ha, ha, they like me more than you!!! You said I'd make a pathetic teacher- first spell I taught, they all got it down perfect. And I didn't get fired yet. And Snivellous is still alive. You lose, you owe me four galleons. Pay up.

-Padfoot Professor Padfoot

At this point he heard an explosion and the castle walls shook. he looked up for a moment before going back to the letter.

P. S. Enjoying the honeymoon? I know Tonks; and trust me; you'll be dead before you make it back.

A very ticked looking Professor Snape came in followed by trails of smoke

"Black!!! I _know_ you had something to do with this!"

"Whatever do you mean." He replied in a sweet, almost girly voice.

"I know you did and this is the third time that _something_ has happened to my class. Peeves getting locked in my office, destroying hundreds of galleons worth of rare ingredients, the Slytherin team's brooms stopped working. I'm going to tell the headmaster why you're really here-"

"I AM _NOT_ HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH ONE OF THE BLACK LAKE MERMAIDS!!!" he yelled remembering a previous false accusation that was anomalously sent to the headmaster on the third day of school. _Even if that one with the green tail is _really_ hot… poor mum, niece's daughter married a werewolf, son thinks a mermaid is hot, so much for a pure blooded family tree…did I just pity my _mum_?_

"I meant that the only reason you took this job was so I couldn't. that is childish, petty and-"

"And worked. "

By the time that Minerva McGonagall walked past the classroom a full blown duel was in process both Sirius and Snape with several deep cuts and bruises as well as some more signs of childish jinxes, such as the fact that it looked like Snape was choking on pink soap bubbles.

"Boys!!!" both lowered their wands. With a look of regret- that they got caught "My office, now." both followed her out of the DADA room where they continued to bicker in hushed tones.

"This is your fault Sinvelly-"

"_My_ fault black?"

"You fired the first shot."

"You pulled out your wand"

"You came in accusing me of blowing up your class room when _clearly_ it was the students-"

"Conveniently the ones that had just left your class-"

"BOTH OF YOU, IN MY OFFICE- **NOW!!!"** both walked into the office that they prayed that they had seen the last of on graduation day.

"I thought that you would ignore your childish feuding that you had for _twenty six_ very long years now. You've almost killed each other, destroyed this castle, dried the lake, made the Quidditch field into a crater, sent a rampage of centaurs across school grounds-"

"That's _not_ fair!" Sirius whined.

"I am afraid to say that Black is right."

"Yeah, Wormy is the one that got the centaurs ticked off-"

"Lupin's the one that almost killed me!-"

"And James was the one that dried the lake for a seventh years' prank. And Fred and George blew up the Potions classroom!"

"And I had NO part in the destruction of the Quidditch field."

"YOU GIT! That one was you; you didn't want James to use it to show off to lily!"

"Do not mention those names to me!"

"ENOUGH!!! Boys I never thought I'd see the day where I'd have to give two professors detention. Grant it I never thought that I'd see the day Dumbledore would hire the both of you." Sirius raised his hand.

"Yes Mr. Black?"

"Why can't we see him instead?" _he wouldn't be ready skin us alive __**I agree with you on that**__ get the h*** out of my head!!!!! D*** Occulmency!!!!__** Watch your mouth with me Black**__ GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!_ McGonagall was oblivious to the silent argument

"Because the head master never seems to have given you a good enough punishment... I want you writing lines while I'm gone. Two hours. Three weeks. Fifty points from Slytherin and Gryffindor," she said unlocking a black jewelry box on the shelf behind her desk. She took out two short, sharp, black quills. "Severus, Sirius, I want you both to write 'I will not fight like a child as long as I teach at this school'" she got up to leave

"Um…" Sirius spoke up while twiddling the quill in his hands, "we don't have any ink." He stated in a point- out- the- obvious voice.

"I know you don't. just because that toad of a woman was cruel to the _students_ does not mean that she didn't leave anything that I can't use on the _teachers_" she left the office

"Hey, Snivelly?"

"Yes?"

"I'm leaving, because I don't want to use the vampire quill pen. Good Bye." He apparrated back ten feet to the other side of the door, leaving a very dumbfounded Snape behind

The next day

"But professor!!! He appareted out of the room!!!" he whined to Dumbledore.

"Nonsense," Sirius said holding up a hand scarred with writing. "No one can apparte in or out of Hogwarts," was the reply. When they were walking back to their respective classrooms Sirius rubbed off the fake blood from his hand laughing.

"You can thank Moony for the spell I used, only good for a few feet, but still gets you out of some of even the deepest crud."

"I. Hate. You."

"And, mate, I wouldn't have it any other way."


End file.
